24 hours to nab a killer...
24 hours to stop a plot to send the universe into chaos...
With only the help of a possessed cop and a medium, Adams must trek through a Hollywood underground filled with pornography, prostitutes, the homeless, and sadists, along with supernatural monsters. But can he solve the case when his own haunting memories keep surfacing, telling him exactly what kind of man he was in life?
Ready for the excerpt?
A ReturnI was in a preparation chamber made completely out of light. I hovered like a cloud watching child-like celestials regenerate and reanimate my corpse. They didn’t bother with new clothes and simply fixed up the suit I had been buried in. When finished, they vacuumed me into my old body, a loving experience I could only compare to dying. “Cold...” I said and my throat was dry like the Mojave in the middle of summer. They explained my body was mostly dead but this would improve as time passed. To help me with the shivers, the merciful celestials threw in a brown overcoat, shoes, and a fedora. “Gun,” I said. True I was dead, but the people I was going to deal with were not and I had a feeling they would want to stay that way. Protection was necessary. They gave me a revolver loaded with ten Thunderbolt bullets. I also got a good watch to keep track of time, an enchanted magnifying glass, and a special rune to communicate with the Committee. The big people wanted regular updates on my progress. The celestials opened a portal to the Realm of the Living and sent me through it.
I thank Gabby for letting me use up her space to rant. And I have to rant. Two days ago I had an imaginary discussion with Franny, the Dark Mind Book Tour owner. It was very heated. I won’t go into the sordid details, but one thing that came to light was this:Thanks for popping in Louis! I think you're getting the hang of this comedy thing. LOL!
“You come off as a conceited bloke,” she said.
I wanted to tell her that I’m American so I have no idea what a “bloke” is. But she wouldn’t
give me the chance.
“Look at Thomas Winship! He’s funny. Follow his lead,” she added.
We left it at that--my heart still races when thinking of the encounter. But I did follow her suggestion. I went back and looked over Thomas’ guest blogs and, yes, the man has a funny bone or two. He adds the proper “LOL” in the right places. Very witty. I think what Franny meant was that in my attempt to make my debut novel, Absolution, seem more interesting, I’ve neglected to make myself approachable. To Franny, humor is the solution.
This is a problem.
Although I excel in many areas (my penmanship for example), comedy is not one of them. The art of telling a joke requires a very specific set of skills, timing, tone, pitch, controlled facial gestures etc., which must work together to produce laughter. It is an exquisite thing to watch.
And it is not easy to transfer from one medium to another. Not everyone who can tell a joke in front of a live audience can write comedy. Not everyone who can write comedy can do a stand-up routine. One of my acquaintances from workshops past is a stand-up comedian. He tried his hand at writing it and all he got was a narrator who sounded like Brian from Family Guy. The layer of sarcasm in his work was a tad too thick, but audiences eat his stuff up when he performs.
The man is a professional. What hope do I have? I can't tell a joke. My ears get red and my voice cracks like a teenager's. And when I get nervous the wrong words come out of my mouth. You should hear me screw up a 'Knock-knock' joke. It would convince you that comedy is not for me.
But that is not to say that comedy lacks merit. An effective comedic routine can tilt a situation in your favor. For example, it would do wonders for my image; it would make me seem more approachable and less of a hermit. It might even help to loosen the strangle-hold some of you have on your wallets.
And comedy does have a long tradition of loosening situations. Just look at what it's done for the dating scene. Men learned long, long ago that if you apply a little comedy, your date will respond in a pleasant manner. The female inhibitions loosen, trust solidifies, and the night progresses better because of it. This works on men too. I can tell you from experience that whenever a woman uses comedy during a date, my underwear seem to fly RIGHT off.
There is definite merit to the technique. But like I said, I am unable to write it, which is what I mostly do, write. The one hope I have is that maybe I can pull off sarcasm. That’s easy enough to do. Any half-minded individual with a typewriter can pull off sarcasm.
Did you get that the last sentence I wrote was sarcasm? Hmm. I didn’t think you would. Every time I write sarcasm it comes off as cynicism. Or people just don’t get it altogether.
What I could do is go over some funny story in the newspaper--the way Jay Leno does in his
show. That way I wouldn’t have to write material. Though with the high murder rate in Los
Angeles, finding humor in the news might itself be daunting... What is a writer to do?
Tour Special! For as long as the tour lasts, Absolution is priced at $0.99/ £0.77 on Barnes & Noble!!
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To learn more about Louis Corsair and his books, visit his blog. You can also find him on Facebook.